The next time you’re tempted to advise single friends, bite your tongue. You may believe you’re empathizing, but intrusive comments may offend your friend. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself what’s more important: your opinion or your friendship?
If you really want to give some good advice, do not over talking and saying cliché stuff. Remember that once you were single and can be again, what do you not want to hear about the situation?
Here’s what to avoid saying to your single friends, what you can sometimes say or do instead and when to zip your lips.
1. It happens when you’re not looking for
This is so stupid. Some people find people when they’re looking; some don’t. You’re not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people.
2. You’re Too Picky
This may be true, but it feels like the person is getting criticized for their taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when he/she will is already down. And you have to be picky if you know your qualities.
3. I Wish I Were Single and In Your Shoes
Really?! We are pretty sure you can be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren’t messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it.
4. Why Aren’t You Married
This question almost universally pushes single people’s buttons. Perhaps the answer is ‘none of your business.’ In fact, it isn’t nice to assume singles are looking for a relationship. Many unattached people live their best, most authentic lives as singles.
5. You Should Smile More/Flirt More/Wear Your Hair Differently/Wear More Make Up
It’s hard to imagine anyone finding these useful, but singles say they frequently hear these rude suggestions. It’s smug to think that because someone is single, he is clearly doing something wrong. Plenty of single people don’t think they need to be fixed. And they’re right. Even singles who want to be coupled don’t always welcome unsolicited advice. Refrain from all attempts to teach your friend how to act or look, and respect and love her for her unique self.
6. Complaining About Your Relationship Problems and Sharing The Most Intimate Things
“My guy rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he quit it with the sports on TV already?” Single people hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I’m not going to want to hang out with you.
7. If You’d Get Out There, You’d Find Someone
Maybe the person is shy, and it isn’t its personality to be the pursuer. Or maybe its workplace doesn’t put him/her in contact with many other singles. Still, there’s no harm in seeing if she’s open to meeting someone you know. Just don’t spring it on her. Say something like, “So-and-so is coming to the party on Sunday, and he’s funny and nice. You might enjoy talking to him.” And leave it at that.
8. You’re Still Young. You’ll Find Someone
You’re probably trying to make her feel good about herself, but this kind of remark usually backfires. She may think: ‘I must look old. Why else would she feel the need to reassure me?’ Besides, age has no bearing on one’s ability to love or be loved, so don’t spout platitudes that only perpetuate this myth.
9. He/She Just Wasn’t Meant To Be
Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds. She/He knows that was the wrong person. That’s why they break the relationship.
10. Maybe You’re Meant To Be Single
You don’t have a crystal ball any more than your friend does. Everyone wants to share his life with someone. But that doesn’t mean that you have to not give up on lasting love simply because it hasn’t happened yet—same as you wouldn’t tell someone to give up on her dream at any age to go to college, start her own business or see the world.